My second marriage had just failed. My heart was in turmoil to say the least. I never expected to be divorced even once, and now I was faced with being single again. I could completely forget having a life-mate altogether and be condemned to a life of loneliness.
Or perhaps I could take another chance, with the same result as a possible consequence. Or could I somehow discover the secrets that only a few in this world seem to know, but never seem to publicize? I told myself the definition of insanity was repeating the same thing over and over, but expecting a different result. My answer became obvious, so my quest began.
"TC, when divorce happens, friends almost always chose sides," I reminded him. Usually, they side with whomever they were closer to. Usually, they only hear that side of the story, or they simply chose to believe what they hear from that side. People who do not get both sides may not be worth keeping as friends. You will not likely change their view at this point. They will believe your wife in this case. I imagine your close friends are still your friends. Am I right?"
"Yes," said TC.
I finished the thought by saying, "TC, it is human nature, and you will never change human nature."
"I suppose you are right," TC replied.
"Let it go, TC. Get on with your life."
I followed up with, "Forgive her. No one is perfect, TC. She has goodness in her. You have told me so yourself. She was fair and did not try to take advantage of you during the divorce proceedings. I know that you also went way beyond your obligations to be fair to her in the divorce.
"You also told me there are things that you could have done better during your marriage. So, both parties have some ownership in this failure. It is rare for only one person to be guilty in the failure of a relationship.
"Think about where you could have done better, and learn from it. Consider that, in general, you both are good people. It just did not work out, TC.
Never feel you failed in a relationship…."I tried" is the most confident thing one can say about a relationship that didn't work out. The love one person takes for granted... others are praying for!
"Love is what we call the situation which occurs when two people who are sexually compatible discover that they can also tolerate one another in various other circumstances."
-- Marc Maihueird a.k.a. Mark My Word and Anonymous
Hang in here with me on this. It is rather interesting and explains a lot.
Medical research discovered that in the womb, around the eighteenth and twenty-sixth weeks of gestation, something happens that completely changes the males from the females. When using heat-sensitive color monitors, the researchers can actually observe what happens. A chemical bath of different sex-related hormones washes over a baby boy’s brain, causing some significant changes that never happen to the brain of a baby girl.
Basically, the human brain is divided into two hemispheres, or halves, each one being connected by a fibrous tissue called the Corpus Collosum. These sex-related chemicals and hormones that flood a baby male’s brain will cause the right side of the male’s brain to recede slightly, which destroys some of the fibers of the Corpus Collosum that connects the two sides of the brain. As a result, in about 80% of the cases, the male starts life more left-brain- orientated right from birth.
So, what about the females?
You will not have a Happy, Loving, Long-Term Relationship if you attempt to control your partner by attempting to brainwash them or by making them believe that they are inferior to you.
You will fail your relationship if you attempt to make them feel they are incapable of achieving their goals.
Actually, if you refuse to allow them to be better than yourself, by having a better job or making more money than you, then you place your leadership in jeopardy. Your decision-making process in your own home becomes suspect.
As men, many times we believe that we have to be the one that earns the most money or have the best-paying career. We try to be the proverbial "man of the house." In many cases, this undermines the man’s ability to be the best husband he can be.
This thinking can stunt his ability to support his mate in happiness, as the world is changing. Women earn more than their spouses at many times. Of course, a woman can only do this when she is supported to do so.
When the man becomes non-supportive of his wife’s attempts at success, or he becomes a tyrant in other ways in the relationship, his partner will generally reject him, sooner or later, and file for divorce.
Remember, love is given freely, can be withdrawn at any time, and is not a possession.
You do not own your partner. Love is a gift that is given freely and should be honored. We all need to give love and support in order to receive love and support in return. We must help our partner to be the best he or her can be.
Interestingly, those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair.
As usual, I was very focused while striking balls on the practice tee. For some reason I suddenly realized there were a number of other balls flying out on the range along with mine.
On this day, these people were hitting behind me because I was on the right, and I had my back to the rest of the range. I turned around to see who else was hitting balls with me. As I look down the line of competitors, what I saw took me back.
Hitting balls behind me were all these guys I had idolized on television for years. Suddenly, I was out on the range warming up to go compete with these legends. I have to admit I will never forget the thought that went through my mind.
I said to myself, "WHAT THE F!@#$%^&* ARE YOU DOING HERE WITH THESE GUYS?!!
A big lump rose in my throat! I started to feel some nervousness as I felt very out of place. After all, many of these guys were playing professionally when I was just a young man, merely thinking of trying the game. The experience they had over me was mind boggling. It had not hit me to that extent like it did at that moment.
Then I started to look at them as individuals…..
"I believe that love can begin with a smile. A touch can be the fertilizer that makes love begin to grow. A kiss can help it bloom into a relationship. Making wonderful love can begin to build the foundation of the couple as a family unit. Looks can deceive and fade away. The inner beauty is critical. Wealth can be lost. Discovering someone who makes you smile is crucial because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright. So, find the person who makes your heart smile, a best friend in whom there is something that makes you miss them every moment when they are away from you. Find the person who can almost read your mind and somehow instinctively knows your needs, moods, weaknesses, turn-ons, and the depths of your heart, while being trustworthy, responsible, caring, and selfless. Then you have found true love, my friend."
-- John A. Gehrisch American Entrepreneur and Tour Golf Professional
Date: Oct 8, 2015 GMT
Dear John,
Dear, you mentioned that you have developed a formula for a Happy, Loving, Long-Term Relationships. After speaking with you, I am excited and look forward to your book. And did you think about how we fall in love and about how we understand if a person is that one and only?
How do you know when you love someone? You find yourself thinking about them, not just the way...
If you look at the true basis for love, it is not just a feeling, but rather a decision.
How can a woman place a value on the way her mate thinks, appreciates, and reflects on things? There are a number of ways.
One of the most important things is the man must feel appreciated and admired by others. This becomes especially critical from the woman in his life. Most men will do almost anything to get and receive it. If they do not get it at home, they will literally seek it elsewhere. I have seen it where couples have been married for years, and suddenly the man is lured away by some younger girl who is impressed with his success and shows him admiration. He may love his wife, but over the years she has begun to take for granted all he does to support his family. He misses being openly admired by her and his family. As part of his nature, he needs the gratification of appreciation.
Suddenly, he finds it elsewhere. Whether he seeks it out, or it finds it by accident, he needs it. He craves it. He almost cannot exist happily without it. And the new woman, excited by all he does, steals his heart away.
No man makes perfect decisions all of the time. Personally, I have never cheated in a committed relationship, even when I did not feel appreciated. But I will tell you that I longed for that appreciation. When I got it from others, I could understand where weaker men could be swayed. I cannot judge them for it. Most days I got up through the motivation of doing for my family. I noticed a real slow down in motivation during my divorced days. Only when I saw a potential admiring woman in my life, did I feel revitalized.
A woman comes home from a tough day at work. She wants to vent and tell her husband what happened to her that day. All that the 80% of right-brained women really want, is for her husband to listen and be sympathetic and understanding of what she went through.
But instead, 80% of men are left-brained, and, therefore, are fixers or conquerors. Typically, they will begin to tell her that all she has to do to solve the problem was to do such and such, so she will get out of his ear and let him get back to watching the game or news or whatever he was doing.
She is not satisfied with this at all. She does not want him to fix it. She wants him to be her friend and listen. Listen like her girlfriends do. He does not understand this at all.
The natural instinct of 80% of men is to conquer the damn thing and move on. You hear me say this a lot... Men and their conquering nature.
But can you see the 180-degree difference between most men and women just on this point alone? Can you see where a breakdown is imminent, and over time this can cause a breakdown of their entire relationship, causing them to drift further and further apart?
She feels rejected by him, and he feels like no matter what he says, it is going to be wrong, when all he had to do was shut up and listen. But no one has ever told him that.
While sexual needs of men and women are an extremely important part of the "lover" to whom I refer in the formula, the differences are remarkable between men and women when it comes to affection and being lovers.
In many ways a man is like a gas stovetop. He’s quickly ignited and warmed up ready for action.
A woman is much different. She is more like a crock pot that needs time to warm up and cook. It can take a woman hours and even days being treated as a valuable person to her man, before she becomes "emotionally available" to him.
Translate that as meaning she gets a mutual desire for sexual intimacy.
Men "enjoy" sexual variation. Women, by nature, "need" sexual variation.
Men can be happy doing the same thing over and over again. Many women will tolerate redundancy because she loves her man. But one thing that will catapult a woman to cheat, or at least think about it, is the desire for creativity and something different than the last time, and the time before, etc.
Every room had either entertainment or food in it.
We were standing in one of those rooms talking to someone when my wife grabbed my arm and quickly pulled me into a different room. I inquired what was wrong and was informed that the Prince had entered the room through a different door. I asked what the issue would be with that?
She reminded me that when a woman is introduced to the Prince, protocol requires her to curtsy. She had never done that before and was not looking forward to doing it for the first time there.
We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves for the evening. As we were getting ready to leave and bidding our friends farewell, another pro called out my name from about 30 feet away.
"John! Have you met the Prince yet?" he asked. I noticed that the Prince of Morocco was standing directly in front of him.
I said, "No, I haven’t."
He prodded me to come and be introduced, which I did.
I found the Prince to be a charming young man who is very friendly. Enjoying talking with him, I discovered he had actually gone to university in the United States. Realizing how warm and friendly he was, I could not refrain and keep my prankster side at bay. I decided I wanted to see my wife curtsy, since I had never before seen that.
I called out to my wife, saying, "Come meet the Prince!"
As he swam closer to this area of projected light, he felt the current of bluish-green water swirling around him. Glancing around, he noticed beautiful coral, colorful fish, and some seaweed swaying side to side, as though a light summer breeze was blowing it slowly, back and forth.
He’d decided it was a perfect place to lodge the now mostly empty urn that had transported his beautiful Julie one last time to one of their special places. As he carefully secured it in its final resting place, he felt what he described as the hair on his body raising.
He did not think much more about it at the time, but after he surfaced and was on the boat, he learned that the others with him had experienced the same sensation. They all believed that was strange that they all had felt it at the same time.
The sailboat that had taken them all there had an on-deck shower, so Ken decided to rinse the salt water off his body. As he was standing under the water rinsing off, he felt something in the pocket of his swimming trunks.
Knowing that when he had descended below into the water his pocket had been empty, and, of course, being curious, he placed his hand into his pocket to remove this new object. When he opened his fist, he looked in shock at what lay in the palm of his hand.